Rambling Thoughts

Waking up every morning
With thoughts of our past
Visions of your tears
Rivers of sweat running down my spine
Wishing they were just nocturnal horrors

Years have passed since that time
Everything has changed
Yet nothing at all
Living in the past
I still wonder why

Things happen for a reason
I do understand that much
But still I wish they were different
I know I don't have much
But it's still worth the fight

Much I have to learn
Just to treat her right
Gentle I am not, and least of a man
But I have already learned what makes her cry
Hopefully now I can make her truly smile

Having her in my arms once more
Never wanting to let go
Hearing the giggles from inside
Not just hers but mine as well
Happy moments that should have always been there

But fear is in my mind
Terrors that could always arise
Friendship is something scary
And time holds the cards
Hoping my mind can last

I am getting close to losing my composure
Losing the battle in my mind
Making the same mistakes
Wanting to just not exist when I argue
Losing to the urges of wanting her

No longer do I understand
Which way this is heading
Every time we talk I feel like I am dieing
Feel like I am causing her more problems
Something I don't wish to do

What are my options
Which are my paths
I beg of you show me some compassion
Help me make this right
Give me a hint about where to step next